Open Mike Eagle Rates Punching Nazis, Taylor Swift, and Pop Tarts

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Hashtags are overrated,

because they make your tweets ugly,

they make your Instagram post ugly,

and if you one you tend to have 17.

And nobody reads anything after the first two.

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Very overrated, very, very over, it cuts me to the bone.

Just the mere mention.

I don't know what her reputation is so I don't know why

I should care.

Like, and I'm being assaulted,

being overstimulated with her burying things.

I don't know what died, I don't get it.

I don't get it and I don't want to.

And I can't opt out, I can't opt out.

Very overrated, please stop it.

Stop it, stop it now.

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Very overrated as an idea and as a food, it's disgusting.

It's like somebody took a couple of really thick,

like Catholic communion wafers

and pumped terrible jelly in it.

And you're supposed to put it in the toaster?

That's weird, because the jelly's gonna come out.

You're gonna have weird jelly in your toaster.

They don't provide any toaster cleaning instruments.

I feel like Pop-Tarts should've ended by now.

I don't know how they still exist.

Like, nobody likes them.

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Phone sex, now.

If you had to ask me when I was 13,

I would've said very underrated.

Those commercials for those 976 numbers

fueled a lot of my early desires.

They made casual sex look like super glamorous, man.

But to me that seemed like paradise at the time.

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Punching Nazis is very underrated.

I wish I could do it right now.

I wish I could do it right now.

Helps me get to sleep at night just thinking about it.

I need an opportunity to do it.

I need to find Richard Spencer

and punch him in the nose, right now.

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Power lunches are overrated.

Power lunches I don't think even exist.

I think that's just, or maybe they existed for like one week

in 1988 where people would like eat a sandwich

and do a bunch of cocaine and then go back to work.

But that, I don't feel like that's a thing anymore.

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Oh my God, They Might Be Giants is underrated.

That's the best band of all time.

Better than the Stones, better than the Beatles,

better than Oasis, and better than Crosby, Stills, and Nash.

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New York City is overrated.

It is the pinnacle of overrated.

This place fills me with existential dread.

Soon as I get off the airplane, every time.

I don't know how these millions of people do this,

I feel like they're all slowly becoming sociopaths

and I don't want no parts of it, I can't do it.

I can't deal with it.

Because sometimes I need a second to figure out

where I'm going and this city has no patience

for that whatsoever.

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Binge watching is overrated.

You as an adult have things to do.

You have things to do.

You have children you have to take to school,

you have a job you have to go to.

And that sixth episode in season two of Narcos

is not worth your shirking your responsibilities.

It'll still be there, it's not going away.

You're still borrowing

your ex-girlfriend's Netflix password.

It's not changing any time soon.

She doesn't care, it's fine.

So just give it another day, get some rest.

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Overrated, studded shoulder pads?

Like the Legion of Doom or the Road Warriors?

Wrestling tag team.

They did it right.

But it wasn't belts, they won championship belts.

They weren't studded belts, who wants a studded belt?

Who needs a belt with metal bumps on it?

It's just letting people know you're into BDSM.

And you can do that in conversation, you don't need a belt.

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