Jo Firestone Rates Maroon 5, Hot Relatives, and Shoplifting

(drumming music)

Over, over, over, over the moon.

What are they doing to get so much air time?

What are they doing?

How does that man not age?

They've been the same age for too long you know.

Sometimes if you see him standing,

it's like, it's like another being.

It's just like, this is how a human,

don't worry about it, we're blending in perfectly.

Human stance.

And you know something's up with that.

I do not appreciate it.

(drum roll)

Underrated.

What a skill, honestly.

It's like, these are chefs that had to go to improv school.

You know what I mean?

These are really talented chefs.

You see, have you ever go to a restaurant

to see a real chef?

They're the most inhospitable people in the world.

Terrible, grumpy people.

Attitudes up to here.

These hibachi chefs, are you kidding me?

They're throwing hot onions at people

like it's a thing they want to do.

(drum roll)

Shoplifting.

Oh I don't know.

I think you know some people need the thrill

and it's like if you're gonna stesal

a shirt from The Gap or murder somebody,

I'd say go steal a shirt from The Gap.

But you know I wouldn't,

I wouldn't suggest it if you have no inclination,

you know what I mean?

It's like teenagers that try smoking cigars

for the first time, it's like you don't need to.

You don't want that.

It's just like that.

(drum roll)

I guess they are kind of underrated as a weapon.

I think throwing stars get a lot more buzz.

But I think the heat stays,

it's a low simmering heat with the nunchucks,

but you have to be so close to them.

I mean it goes against my MMA call

but I just think that it's I don't know,

it is a cool thing to have

in a teenage boy's room, you know.

(drum roll)

(laughing)

I think that's totally, totally underrated.

Definitely, I have a sexy family, yes.

Is that trending?

Hot relatives?

So first was ass eating and now it's sexy relatives.

(drum roll)

Overrated, uh uh.

That's what I have, I remember during

Hurricane Sandy there were like people

at the windows that said like bring it on.

I was like what are you doing?

This is not like a man.

This is a terrifying force.

No you gotta get out to there, evacuate,

you gotta get out of there.

This is scary, weather is really scary.

They gotta make a horror movie about weather.

Honestly that's the new thing, that's underrated.

That'd be pretty good for somebody,

maybe Wes Craven.

Do you think Wes Craven watches these?

(drum roll)

Underrated.

Underrated.

Bring 'em to my streets.

I'll play with them.

Listen if I lost a couple teeth doing that,

I wouldn't complain about it.

I'll lose one and this one and this one.

Yeah no I'd still look like a little jack o'lantern

afterwards and say Happy Halloween,

I did bubble bumpers.

(drum roll)

You know, I gotta say I think it's a little overrated

'cause it's like how are you supposed to put,

you're just putting little dog ears on?

Is it mostly dog ears?

I mean I get it, I get it.

And sure, I have thought to myself

what if I went through life as my own Snapchat filter?

Just a little dog with a tongue that comes out

when I talk, I just don't think you could be

taken seriously at you know, at the poetry slams and stuff

and I think it's just kind of like,

at some point you're going to have to go to a funeral.

You know what I mean and you want to show up to the funeral

looking like a little Snapchat?

Uh uh, you can't, you gotta go back to you.

Be you, be somebody else's hot relative.

Believe in yourselves.

Someone in your family things you're hot as fuck.

(drumming music)