Erykah Badu Rates Aliens, Period Tracker Apps, and Porky Pig

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Definitely underrated.

Everybody loves Fred Flintstone.

And those who don't are fucking idiots.

Fred is cool, I mean, Fred is a boss.

He's confident and he's a loyal friend.

You know, he treats Barn like shit a little bit, you know.

He's not completely emotionally there for Wilma,

but he's very good to Dino.

I don't know how old he was when he

impregnated Wilma with Pebbles,

but he seemed to be a pretty good father.

Maybe he ran through all the hoes in Bedrock

and he was ready to settle down.

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Definitely underrated.

I have not had any close encounters and I'm pissed

and I'm trying to figure out what

makes me not good enough for aliens.

I definitely don't wanna think it's anything negative

about me, you know, because I'm doing everything

that you would possibly do to get abducted.

I read all the shit, I stay out late by myself.

I have a little keyboard and I

play the (riffs) all the time.

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Underrated.

I've never taken a dog to a spa,

but once I put a splint on a dog's leg.

We had a wild crack dog when I was younger

and it might've been like, my mom's satire,

but like, What's wrong with this dog,

his momma's a crack head.

You know, so in my mind as a child I'm thinking,

Wow, his mother's a crack head?

So, whenever the doorbell rang

or somebody would knock at the door,

the dog would just jet to the door really quickly,

you know (barking), you know, just really excited,

and one time, my uncle was

on some kind of drugs or something,

but he thought that it was an enemy at the door,

but as soon as I opened the door,

the dog bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, runs to the door,

my uncle dives across the couch

and closes the door on the dog's leg.

Champagne was the dog's name.

Champagne's leg got caught in the door

and she let out this yowl.

So, I got two popsicles sticks,

I took the end of a blanket, like this part of the blanket,

tore it off, wrapped it around the two popsicles sticks,

you know, straightened out her leg, she nipped me.

I still have the bite right here.

So, I wrapped the splint around her leg

and I took one of my little brother's baby socks

and I put one of the booties on Champagne

and she kinda walked around like that for awhile

and that's when I became a healer.

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Definitely underrated and they caused

one of the worst accidents that has ever happened

in the history of stomach accidents.

I was driving one day (laughs), one night actually,

and I had a doobie in my ash tray,

but I'd never smoke in front of the children back then,

I don't smoke now, and I was taking the children home,

and it was down a long, dark road,

and there were no cars around or anything.

We live in the woods and I'm driving

and all of a sudden, I see them people behind me

flashing them red and blue lights,

and I pull over and I have a doobie in the ash tray

and the only thing I can think of is to eat it

and it tasted like sulfur and it was horrible

and I swallowed it and I ate it.

And I turned around to tell the kids

to put their seat belts on and there was Puma back there

doing this with them LA Gears.

It wasn't the cops, it was the light up fucking shoes.

And my stomach was hurting for a long time.

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Totally underrated.

I don't think people have seriously

dealt with his disability.

The stuttering is not just a stuttering,

that's a result of something.

Something happened to him.

I just don't think people really cared a lot about it.

You know, we laugh, 'cause that's all folks.

I mean, but it was at Porky's expense.

It was a cry for help and he was

probably faking a lot of times, too,

because they do that, just like you said, to get attention.

And sometimes it's sexual attention.

I heard it's caused by blue balls.

I've never had it, so I don't know for sure

and especially a pig having blue balls, you know,

that would probably make you stutter.

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Underrated, because it does not only track your period,

it also tracks ovulation and

it also tracks fertility and PMS.

There's a little alarm, you can set to say

whatever you want it to say and the alarm comes up

and the message comes across your phone.

Seven days before your period, you can say whatever you want

to tell yourself and remind yourself.

Bitch, calm down, it's just PMS or whatever you wanna say.

My message for ovulation says, Here, kitty kitty.

My message for your period is, Red light special.

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Landlines are underrated.

It used to be a time when somebody knew

if you was mad when you hung up.

Bang, you could slam it down (exclaims).

God damn it, you know, but you can't do that.

It's not gonna be the same thing.

So, we're never gonna throw our cellphones

or slam it to do anything with that,

so what do you do with that aggression?

What do you do with that frustration?

You go on social media and you start to troll people

and treat people mean because you couldn't

just do a simple thing like hang up

in somebody's face harder than a mother fucker,

and I'd do it so hard, I'd tell everybody in the room,

Y'all get back, get back.

(exclaims) (laughter)

It's so good.

Hold on, hold on, what'd you say?

Hold on, hold on, say what?

Hold on (exclaims).

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Underrated.

I wanna produce one, direct and produce one of those

airline safety videos, because they're

starting to get really creative.

I would fuss at the people, because

the people are not listening usually.

You're doing something else.

I would talk to 'em, talk shit to 'em.

I would say, Buckle your mother fucking seat belt,

right now, you, buckle your seat belt.

You see this shit up here?

When this shit drop down, you put this shit

on your mouth first, don't put it on your baby mouth first.

You see this vest I got on?

You gonna blow in this bitch like this or like this.

If that don't work, pull these two tabs right here, okay?

Don't pull that shit if you don't mean nothing.

Don't pull the thing out unless you plan to bang.

Bombs over Baghdad.

Understand what I'm saying?

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